Boku No Tatsu Na Sode
by Taiki Matsuki
Summary: Prequel and Sequel to The Passion of The Cut Sleeve and Duan Xiu Zhi Pi: Takato's thoughts and fears before and after his confession to Jenrya and the aftermath of Jiyan Li's visit to Japan. Uploaded with Original Author's permission.


[**EDITOR'S NOTE:** This is the last of Ori's fics from last year before as part of our planned November\December upload before he was hospitalized. It is a prequel\sequel to "The Passion of the Cut Sleeve" and "Duan Xiu Zhi Pi," it is suggested you read both fics before reading this one. Thank you - Taiki Matsuki]

Boku No Tatsu Na Sode

* * *

I…I'm going to do it. Today, in the park, after school. I'm _finally_ going to do it. I have to, I already asked him to meet me there. I asked him at lunch, this is _it._ I'm _really_ going to go through with it, I _have to_. I'm just so tired at this point, I have to tell _someone_ and I think Jen should_ be_ that "someone." For a lot of very important reasons.

"_Jen-kun, hey!_" I was, as usual, happy to see him. After I _finally_ managed to, at least, admit to myself _why_ I was always so happy around him, I've…I've come to terms with that and, today…

…I guess I want to just be _honest_ with him, at least. I-I don't think Jen would be upset. At least, not about _part_ of why I want to see him. I-I mean, um, this is sort of _big_.

But it's too late to back out, now. I still can't believe I managed to…_finally_ ask him to meet me. Before, we'd be alone and I'd start to bring 'something' up, awkwardly, but…I chickened out at the last second. As _always_, I just had enough trouble with the courage to say it to _myself_, let alone…

…Jen…

"_Takato-kun!"_ We sat together at lunch, like we always do. _"Something up? You look nervous."_

_"Can you…do me a favor, Jen-kun? Can you meet me, um, somewhere…Where no-one can see us or hear us, sort of?"_

Not my…smoothest attempt—Well, actually, um, that might not be true. I've done a _lot_ worse when I tried to ask this before, and this time it didn't end with 'never mind! I'm just being weird! Don't mind weirdo-Takato!' Followed by a ton of…nervous laughter.

I'm amazed Jen hasn't _suspected_ something was up just from all that. It's been_ months_ of doing this at least once every couple weeks. I _need_ to do this, _fast!_ Otherwise, he might just…Figure it out on his own and _ask me!_ Gods, if Jen _asked me_ about…

…The fact I'm trying to _come out_ to him? I'd probably throw up before he even said the dreaded "G-Word."

_"Huh?"_

"_Er…A-At the park, Gu-Guilmon's...Guilmon's spot! Please, can we meet there after school? Please, don't tell anyone…I-I _need_ to talk to you about…something important._ _Really, _really_ important."_

"_Sure, Takato-kun. Why can't you tell me here, though?"_

_"It's…private, I don't want anyone overhearing, you know? Like Hirokazu and Kenta or something," _that's true. I ran into them today, in the halls while I was, um, 'practicing' this 'favor' to myself between classes. It was 'break' period, the fifteen minutes between second and third period that lets students get a snack or catch up on any last minute homework. I _usually_ spend it with Jen but in this case? I told him I had to "go to the library" and I'd meet him at class instead of what we usually do: Hang out in the near-empty classroom and talk about…_Anything!_ Or help each other with some last minute homework help, like the art assignments from second period for that night.

On that note: Hirokazu has become the _master_ of 'speed-homework-copying' with the classes he shares with Kenta: He can get a _lot_, if not _all_, of what he needs in those fifteen minutes, even right down to changing the wording so he doesn't get caught.

That's Hirokazu for you, he puts more work and, dare I say, _skill_ into _cheating_ than he would have if he'd just _done_ said homework on his own! It's sort of amazing yet, um, I guess "dumbfounding" would be the word which, as _Ruki_ would probably say: _Emphasis on DUMB!_

Hirokazu and Kenta asked what I was doing, I. sort of, told the truth: I was 'practicing a _very_ important conversation' to myself. It was true. I was sort of pacing around the area between the second and third floor of our high school. Just…talking to myself about _what_ I want to, _need_ to and, most likely _will_, say to Jen at lunch and _especially_ at Guilmon's spot…

…Hirokazu thinks I'm confessing to a girl, based on my wording, what I was doing and how I looked. They were, apparently, watching me for a few minutes…Thank the Gods I kept the 'dialogue' in my head or as _quiet_ whispers to myself.

He's half right, at least. I'm confessing but not to a girl.

To Jen.

I'm…confessing to _Jenrya Li._ My best friend…Of the same gender.

I'm…That word I'm _afraid_ of saying sometimes: Gay. I'm going to, at least, tell Jen that I'm gay. I-I don't even know how he'll take to_ that_ let alone the fact I want to tell him that I _like_ him and as _more_ than just my best friend. A _lot_ more than _just_ my best friend.

I _love_ him. I-I mean it, too, I don't use 'love' very 'freely,' if you know what I mean…I _really_ love Jen, this is more than just "let's go out," this is"Jen, I _love you._ I love you so much more than I should…Please, don't be upset by this. I-I can't change how I feel." As…hard as I _tried_ at first, to come up with _some_ rational explanation as to _why_ I felt so strongly for him.

I just know that Jen's _the greatest_, not just the greatest _friend_ I've ever had but…I admire so much about him, I _hope_ I can somehow tell him that but…I-I might just have to leave it at "I'm gay," and hope…he takes to the news well. I-I _need_ Jen, even if we're "just friends" forever, I don't want to know what things would like without him and, especially, I _don't_ want to know what things would be like if…

…Jen _hated me_. Please, Jen, don't hate me. Anything else is fine, I know you won't feel the same but…At least, stay as my friend. I can accept that, I'm…expecting it. He'll still be my friend, he'll just…know why I never went out with Juri or turned down girls in middle and high school. Re-Really, _I've_ been asked out a few times and…

…I did my best to politely say "Sorry, I'm not…into dating." I couldn't say "not into girls," _ever_. If the _whole school_ found out? Gods help me, I don't know if I could _survive_ that.

Ever since I realized it: I've been…anxious about it, mostly, but whenever I'm with Jen? Alone?

I don't feel as anxious or scared. I sometimes _try _(and ultimately fail) to bring it up because, I-I don't know, _something,_ a little voice in the back of my mind—No, _two_ little voices in the back of my mind _argue_:

"Jen will understand, tell him you're gay! Maybe he'd even feel the same way if you told him that you love him."

"You're an _idiot, _Takato! Don't tell _anyone_ you're 'the g-word,' _stupid!_ Especially Jen, he _won't_ understand, he'll _never_ want to see you again! You'll ruin _your whole life_, you _moron!"_

The second one gets louder and louder the closer I come to listening to the former. And then it usually wins. That's when I chicken out and tell Jen I'm just being weird. And he…usually accepts that, shrugs it off and we talk about _anything_ else. I mean, _anything!_

"_Okay, I need to stay a little after my last period, so I'll meet you there. Is that okay?"_

_"Thanks, and I don't mind waiting a little. That's definitely, perfectly, _really_ okay!"_ …I know how stupid that sounded, Jen held back a laugh as that _second_ voice just _groaned_ as loud as it could, telling me I was an idiot. That first voice was getting quieter, but still…I could hear it, saying that Jen would, at least, understand. He may not like me back but I wouldn't lose my best friend. Jen's told me, more than a few times, he's _never_ been as "close" to a "best friend" as he and I are. He and I, we're both the_ best friends_ we've ever had to each other.

"_I'll see you there, Takato-kun. Good luck with history,"_ was the last thing he said to me as lunch ended. History is my last period of the day. Jen's is a computer class, he's staying a little late to finish a project he's been working on…

…And I _really_ needed those extra few minutes to keep my nerve and prepare mentally, to _finally_ shut up that second voice. Telling it"I don't believe you" and…Hoping for the best. The _absolute_ _best_ being Jen telling me he feels the same and most likely best being Jen accepts me and has no problem with still being my best friend…

…The _best _friend I've ever had by _so much_. I-I don't know why but, by the sixth grade, a year after we met: It was like we'd known each other _forever!_ We were there for each other when our partners went back, we were there when we got the _same class_ in sixth grade and then on until high school…And, even then, shared more than a couple classes. First, second, third, fifth and the same lunch period. We're almost _always_ together, not even Hirokazu and Kenta have this many classes. When we need to pick a partner for a project? We're each others' first choice, neither even has to _ask!_ We only_ don't_ work together if the teacher _assigns_ partners and…Often, we'll still end up together because of how _well_ we work together, they say. We take the project seriously, Hirokazu and Kenta would usually spend the entire project goofing off or Kenta'd do all the work and Hirokazu "leeches" off what should just be _Kenta's_ grade. Not that Kenta minds, it's been that way since _Kindergarten_ for those two: Kenta does the work, Hirokazu copies it.

Jen…tells me _everything_, I tell him _almost_ everything. I've never even _hinted_ that I'm not…100% "normal," I guess…I don't see myself as "normal" over this. I-I mean, I-I…I like…

…I like…_Jen_.

I like _guys!_

I-I'm _gay!_

Why _me?_

Why am _I_ _GAY?_

What did I do to…deserve this? Not that I'm resigning to some horrible fate if I accept it but…Why me? Which God did I anger? Or which God just pointed at me and said "Make that one gay! It'll be _hilarious!_" …Yeah, _hilarious…_The Gods have a _great_ sense of humor, I guess. At least, amongst themselves. Most mortals would just say they have a sick sense of humor.

Maybe that's what the second, louder voice is: The Gods being _merciful_ and _warning_ _me_, if I do this I'm going to be miserable. Or, maybe, it's the first voice, the God of Love is telling me I shouldn't be afraid and it's my own insecurities that drown him out. Neither possibility would really surprise me: The former, I'm just being an idiot and not heeding _any_ sort of warnings, even from the Gods themselves. The latter, I _know_ how much and how easily I get worried over _nothing_. And this? …This isn't "nothing." This is...

…The scariest moment of my entire life.

…Either way, I _have_ to do this. _Today!_ I-I have to, _at least_, tell Jen the deep, dark secret: His best friend is gay…

…And would do _anything_ in this life and the next for him to say _"I love you, too, Takato."_ …But his best friend isn't _that_ delusional. Or stupid. Or optimistic. He's…

…Going to be scared out of his mind. I hope Jen can…keep me from falling apart, keep me _sane_ in the end. Just, maybe, give me a calming hug and say, _"It's okay, I don't mind…You're my best friend, Takato-kun. That won't change. Ever."_ That's…how I'd feel if I were straight and Jen told me he was gay: I'd never abandon Jen over _anything_. I hope…he feels the same way as I do in that regard, at least. Jen won't abandon me over this. Or hate me. I-I know, for some 'best friends,' throwing 'gay' into the mix is…Not helping things. Especially the words "I love you."

But, Jen? There's nothing I can do to back out of this.

Especially now. I'm leaning against the entrance to Guilmon's spot, I see Jen approaching from the sidewalk: Alone. Just him, just like I asked. I was a little worried Hirokazu and Kenta might somehow catch wind of where I'd be and want to 'spy on' my confession, to see 'the girl I like.'

…If only I liked a girl. I tried _so hard_ at first but…I just can't, I-I'm even _more_ awkward around girls over it all, I think. I just get so nervous when the subject of 'dating' comes up. Or, with Hirokazu and Kenta, _checking out_ girls. That's…always awkward. Jen backs out of it, too, when Hirokazu offers to let us _join_ him and Kenta "girl watching." And I know even _Kenta_ gets worn out on the topic now and then, and he's Hirokazu's best friend ever, too.

"Hey, Takato," Jen waves, smiling. I…force a _pathetic_ smile and barely even hold my hand up. He looks a little concerned, now, as he walks up the steps. We both stand just outside of Guilmon's spot. "What's wrong? I mean, I've never seen you so, well, _nervous_. What's going on? What did you want to tell me?"

"Je-Jen, um, I…" I take a deep breath, exhaling slowly and closing my eyes. I-I'm quiet for a little bit, I _feel_ myself shaking.

You _have_ to do it now, Takato. There's no backing out, you can't just say you're 'being weird' again and expect Jen to just nod his head and say 'okay.' You asked him to meet you here, you told him it was _important_, you told him you wanted it to be an absolute secret…

…Because you're about to reveal the deepest, darkest secret you have: You love Jen.

"…Takato?" Jen asks, breaking the silence. He…sounds worried, now. There really is no way I can talk my way out of this, it's too late.

"Jen, I...I have a secret. I-I think it's time I told you, because...I want you to know and I-I hope you can accept it. Please, whatever you do, don't hate me. ...Please."

Jen gives me an almost _scared_ look, saying, "H-Hate you? Takato, you're my best friend. I couldn't hate you, even if I tried. What are you so worried about?" Hearing him say he couldn't hate me, even if he _tried_…That's…

…That's a relief. I-I couldn't hate him, even if I tried, too. But, there's still a fine line between 'love' and 'hate.' And I'm treading on that line, and the next words I say will push me into one side or the other…

…Hopefully into the side I…would give _anything_ to be on. _Please_, Jen…_Please…_Don't push me to the…_Other_ side: Hate. Anything but that, Jen…_Anything_. I know you couldn't hate me if you tried but…You also can't _love_ me if you "tried," you…You're straight, I'm sure of it. I-I just want to be _honest_ with you, I don't like having to put on this "show" anymore…I want you to at least know: I'm gay.

I look at Jen, I feel like I'm tearing up. I want to just run away but, _no,_ this isn't…This isn't something I can or _want_ to run from any more! I-I _need_ to tell him! I _have to!_ I just…I…I…

…I'm miserable, keeping this to myself. I just can't take much more of it.

I take a deep breath, keeping my eyes as dry as possible. I look to Jen, he's still staring at me with concern.

Jen,_ please_, don't hate me.

_I beg of you_, Jen, don't hate me.

I finally say it. Two words I never thought I'd be able to say to him…

"…I'm gay," I say, quietly and leaning back into Guilmon's spot with a light sigh.

…I _finally_ did it. Gods help me, I-I can't take those words back, now. Jen knows. I _finally_ came out to someone…Someone I happen to also _love_.

There's a moment of complete silence as Jen takes those words in, I'm afraid to look at him. "T-Takato...? I-I had...no idea, but it's nothing I'd have a problem with." Thank the Gods…But…

"Th-there's one other thing, that I'm...not sure how you'll feel about." I finally work up the nerve to _look_ at Jen, he…He looks calm, he's surprised. There's no questioning _that_, but I don't see _any_ anger, no sign of fear. I-I think…I can tell him this, but Jen? Please don't hate me for what I'm about to say. It's…the game changer, let's say. "I like you. Well, no, actually..." I stammer a bit before I quietly and not _as_ awkwardly as I expected to, say, "I-I love you, Jen."

Jen's jaw…sort of goes limp, he stays _completely_ silent. This is…less surprise, more…_Eye_ _bulging_ _shock._ I obviously blindsided him with that. I'm sort of surprised by _how_ blindsided he is, I mean, Jen? If…If I'm gay, then, well…

…Who else _could_ I love? Ryou? He and I don't see each other _nearly_ as much as…_Any_ of the other Tamers! Hirokazu? He'd freak out. Kenta? See Hirokazu. Anyone in our classes? I only know them from this school year!

Jen, you're…My closest friend. I-I trust you with _everything_ I've ever told you and asked you to keep secret, you've _never_ betrayed that trust. Within a year, it was like we'd been friends our entire lives! We…We went to _The Digital World_ together! We were together throughout most of it, if not _all_ of it! You and I, we fought D-Reaper together with our partners! When our partners left, we were there for each other…

…Jen, I…I love you because of all we've been through and more. I-I don't think—No, I _know, _I can't _love_ anyone else on Earth as much as I _love you_. You've been there for me whenever I needed you, I always tried to do the same…

…But given how long he's been quiet, he's just…In shock, I guess…

…Please,_ please_, don't let that second voice be right. _Gods_, I'll do _anything_ if…If…

I-I look away, awkwardly and…I feel those tears again. "J-Jen? Are...you all right?" I whisper,

It takes Jen a moment or two to answer. He stutters a little at first. before taking a quick breath, exhaling slowly, "...Y-Yeah. I-I'm sorry, Takato, I...I just don't know...what to say to that or what to think. I-I..." …H-He sounds so nervous. I think he's _scared_.

Gods, what…What have I _done?_ I-I mean, it's one thing to just "accept" a gay friend, but…Telling him I _love_ him? Gods, what was I _thinking?_ Tha-That's…He's _straight_, you _idiot!_ I mean, it's one thing when your friend says he's gay, it's _another thing entirely_ when he flat out says he _loves_ you! IDIOT, TAKATO! _IDIOT!_

That…second voice…

It was the Gods, trying to warn me. No, not_ The Gods_, that voice was…

…Common sense. The other voice was the Gods and their "sense of humor," if anything. The one that _always_ got me _so close_ to saying this but common sense prevailed in the end.

Why didn't I realize this ten minutes ago?

"Y-You're not mad, are you? ...D-Do you hate me? P-Please, Jen, I-I didn't mean to upset you!" I'm panicking, shouting and facing Jen. I hold out my hands, shaking my head frantically. What was I thinking? "I-I'm sorry, I-I can't...I can't help how I feel, but...I-I should have kept it to myself, I'm such an idiot. Please, Jen, forgive me!" _Please!_ I-I'd do _anything_ for you somehow forget I told you _that I love you!_ What could make me think I had so much as the _slightest chance_ with Jen? I hate myself, I-I'm going to cry any minute now. I_ hate myself_ for being so stupid, for _ever_ thinking this was a good idea!

I love Jen, but _I HATE MYSELF!_

Jen looks at me, then shakes his head, quickly, taking a_ step backwards_. _Away_ from me...H-He's scared, isn't he? This is a nightmare to him, I just know it. Some _pervert_ just confessed _his love_ to _him_. "N-No! I'm not mad or anything...I...Just...Takato, c-can I have...some time to think about this? Please? It's not because I-"

"No, I-I shouldn't have told you! It's...not right." It wasn't right at all! It's _stupid!_ I'm an idiot, I've ruined…_everything_. Th-The person I _love_ is _afraid of me!_ "Please, f-forget I said anything. I-It was wrong of me, I'm so, so sorry Jen." I-I know what he needs to think about, he needs to think about a way to say 'We can't be friends anymore,' because of how _awkward_ I've made _everything!_

Please, Jen, don't…Don't hate me! I'm begging you, _don't hate me!_ Don't avoid me, let's just somehow…_SOMEHOW_ pretend this never happened! I'll do _anything_, Jen, _anything_ for you to not hate me, to still, somehow, be my best friend like before. _Please_, Jen, I-I don't mean to ruin things for us, even as "just friends," I should have accepted that as reality. I should have _never_ for a _second_ gotten my hopes up that Jen would _somehow_ feel the same way. He doesn't, he _can't_, he's…taken another step backwards. Each one of those steps _scares me_.He…He wants to run away, I _know it!_ He wants nothing to do with me now. Jen, _please_, I…

…I…

…I really _don't_ know what I would do without you, Jen. I-I never even thought of that until now: What would I do if…Jen did hate me? I-I mean, how could I ever be_ happy_ again knowing I screwed up the _greatest_ friendship I've ever had because of something I had no control over, I didn't _want_ to be true, I didn't _want_ _at all!_ …Why? _Why_ can't I have said "I love you" to _Juri_ or just _any girl_ and…Be like _everyone else!_ To just be _normal!_ Not…this pathetic wreck who just…

…Ruined _everything_.

I'm sorry, Jen, I'm _so sorry!_

"N-No, Takato...I swear, I-I don't hate you. I don't have a problem with this, honest! I just...need to think about...things. That's all. Please, c-calm down..." He steps _backwards_, again! _Further_ away from me…His expression tells me this is…

…Why am I so stupid? Why did I think this was _ever_ a good idea? To be honest? …Honesty isn't…_always_ the best policy, not when it can ruin your life like this. Ruin what once made me _so happy_, just _being_ with Jen. Even if this was still a secret, I was still _happy_ around Jen. I was happy even though I knew we'd…never really be together. I should have _always_ known there was _no chance_ of that. I-I'm just that much of an idiot, stupid enough to dig his own grave—No, a grave for "Jenrya and Takato's Friendship: It lasted until Takato opened his big gay, stupid mouth."

Gods, _please_, let me think of_ anything_ to get out of this!

"Ha ha…I-I had…I had you going…Didn't I?" I whisper, forcing a grin. "Hi-Hirokazu…dared me to say that. Re-Really, Jen, I'm joking. That…was all a bad joke, Hirokazu…owes me ten thousand Yen, now. Ha ha ha!" …That…won't work, just the look on Jen's face tells me, that would never have worked in a million years.

Especially since…I feel those tears I've been trying my _hardest ever_ to hold back _finally_ start streaming down my cheeks. Crying is…my biggest "tell" for anything. I _hate_ crying these days, it never leads to _anything_ good. Always, _always…EVERYTHING_ bad!

Damn it.

I'm gay _and_ pathetic. Common sense, why didn't I _listen_ this time? I did _every other time!_

"Takato, _please_, I-I'm _not mad!_ A-And I _don't care_ if you're gay! I-I _need_ to think, that's all! I _don't hate you!_" Jen, you're…still backing away. I-I'm some…Some monster, now, I know it! He's afraid to be around some _pervert_, because…I am a pervert, I-I'm not normal. I don't like girls, I don't like Juri. I like _guys_, I _love_ _Jen!_ There's…nothing _right_ about me. Not in Jen's eyes, not from the expression on his face, not in the way he still takes a step backwards now and then.

Each step is…another step for me into that grave. My own, private grave. Jen, please, just…let it out and throw dirt on me, already. I should have known _that's_ how this would all end. I dig my grave and lie in it. Then Jen gets the shovel and starts throwing the dirt in…

"Jen…I'm sorry, I'm _so sorry,_" I whisper, I look away. I-I finally lose it. I'm crying, like when I was a kid…Back when I first met Jen. I haven't cried like this in _years_ but…

…What else can I do?

"Don't be sorry, I-I really…just need to think. I-I…"

I CAN'T TAKE THIS!

"I-I'm an _idiot_, Jen! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…Please don't…Don't hate me, Jen…I-I couldn't…I couldn't take…_I'm sorry!_" I-I can't stand to be here anymore, I _run_. I'm running away from Jen. The way I'm _sure_ he wanted to run away _from me_…Because I'm that _sick freak_ who _loves him!_

"TAKATO! WAIT! PLEASE!" I can barely hear him, despite him screaming at me to come back. Jen, I don't want you to see me like this, I don't want you to hate me, I-I'm so stupid…Please, _somehow_ forget what I said. Believe that I really _did_ get Hirokazu to _dare me_ to 'play gay' with you…

…Anything but…This. H-He was backing away from me, he was _afraid_. I-I know it! Jen was afraid of me, he doesn't need to think, he just…Wanted to get as far away from me as _possible!_ He was just polite enough to pretend that…Everything was okay, I guess.

I hate myself. I keep telling myself how _much_ I hate myself and how stupid all of this was as I run, that second voice_ won't shut up_, now! It's…pretty much saying, _"I told you so, stupid. I told you so."_

I finally stop at the last crosswalk before the bakery, I lean against a street lamp. I look behind me, towards the park I just _bolted_ out of. As far away from it as _possible_, I-I ran faster than I've _ever_ run, it takes me a few minutes to calm down enough to start catching my breath. I've _never_ run and cried like that. All because…I was_ delusional_ enough to think Jen _wouldn't _be disgusted. I just ruined my life…

…And now I need to march to the bakery and act like _everything is normal!_ Like I'm a normal person, not some _pervert_, not some _idiot_, not someone who…

…Lost the person he _loves_. All because he was stupid enough to think 'he would understand.' No, not with how he looked. He was…He was scared.

Jen, I need to think, too. I need to think how…Gods, how my life is _over_. It…It's more than just Jen's friendship I lost…My whole life is going to change once I go back to school tomorrow. Nothing will _ever_ be the same again.

I step around to the back of the bakery, taking a deep breath. I go inside, leaving my shoes at the bottom of the stairs as usual.

"Takato?" …Damn it.

"Da-Dad?" I turn, hoping I look as 'normal' as I usually do…

…Even though I'm _anything_ but "normal." Especially now, especially with Jen.

"Are you…all right?" Dad asks, Mom steps out into the hall behind him with a tray of fresh baked rolls.

"I-I'm fine," I say, forcing a smile _almost_ as _pathetic_ as I am. "I-I…I had a long day at school, that's all."

"You…sure?" Mom asks. "You look…Takato, what's wrong?"

"No-Nothing's wrong," I say, shaking my head. "I'm fine, just a long day."

"Do you want to _talk_ about it?" Gods, _no!_ Dad, not that, _anything_ but that!

"Nope! I'm fine!" I say, quickly. I just know they picked up on the _obvious_ panic in my voice. "Really, just a long day! Lots of homework and…I'm just not in that good a mood 'cause of some surprise tests. Yo-You know me and tests, always get nervous when they pop outta nowhere!" Please, _please_ just…leave me alone! Just this once, I _don't_ want any Fatherly advice! I _don't_ want to break down and cry on my Mother's shoulder like when I was a kid! I _especially_ don't want to tell them _what I said to Jen!_ And how he's probably _relieved_ that I ran away, saving him the trouble of doing it himself…I did Jen a _favor_ by being the one to run away, he doesn't have to "think" of an excuse to leave…

…And never see me again.

Jen, I understand. I-I'm the idiot…And, like you said: I couldn't hate _you_, Jen, not even if I _tried_. I love you…

…But I _hate_ me.

"Okay, but…If you change your mind, son, we'll…be down here, okay?"Dad says, he sounds almost _sad_ for me. My Mother just gives a quiet, worried nod and goes back into the kitchen after passing the tray of rolls to my Dad. Dad goes out to the front, taking the tray of rolls.

…Great, it's obvious my problems are bigger than _tests_ and _long days_ and _bad moods_. At least they aren't pushing things, they aren't going to force it out of me…That…

…That _never_ ends well, I usually end up in trouble or a crying mess or _both_. And with what I just did? _Both_ would be the _best_ case scenario.

I practically _drag_ my feel up the stairs and to my room, just…Zombie-like. I'm running the day through my head, from Jen and I sitting together in first period and laughing as we worked on a group project with Kenta and Takeshi. Hirokazu doesn't have our same first period, otherwise he'd probably be in our group, too, not doing _any_ work beyond what _minimum_ he has to do but still "leeching" off our good grade since, well, Jen and Kenta do _really_ well with their grades. Me? …I'm not _perfect_, but I'm at _least_ above average in most classes. Art is the only class I have _anyone_ beat, Jen and Kenta both tell me that: Getting the required art grade is _easy_ for me, I'm the…

…"Sensitive artist type," I guess. What about_ that_ doesn't scream "GAY!" …Damn it, I'm probably more obvious. I didn't _come out_ to Jen, I just _confirmed_ his worst fear: His best friend is a pervert who…loves him. Why else do I _always_ want to sketch him when we pair up to sketch another student? Most guys pick a girl, unless they have no other choice…

…We pick each other. That should have given him a clue, I think. Looking back, it's probably a _huge_ tip-off.

Second period…Art. We walked through the halls to our shared classes and talk, as _always_. I almost _hear_ Jen talking from this morning about the latest, greatest RPGs his brother discovered while digging through the "Used Game Store" for bargains on new generation, last generation, old, _really old_ and before-he-was-even-_born_ Role Playing _GEMS_, as Rinchei calls them! And then found a used copy of one of Koei's SNES Three Kingdoms games and practically _thanked the Gods_, then and there, doing a "Final Fantasy Victory" pose…

…And what's scary is, that's _exactly_ what he did. Jen's brother loves games, especially things based on _Sangokushi_, The Three Kingdoms period of China. Jen likes that time period, too, but nowhere near as much as Rinchei does.

I…I never told Jen since I didn't remember _that_ much but I read it once, a few Summers ago. It's _so long_ but _worth_ the read, I thought. I kept losing track of a _lot_ of the lesser characters but…I loved things like Sou Sou invading Son Ken of Go, allied with Ryuu Bi's forces and how they _beat_ a force of _over_ a million soldiers with _barely_ a quarter of their enemy's numbers! And when Shoukatsu Ryou and Shuu Yu matched wits with Sou Sou _and_ each other. Like Shoukatsu Ryou "borrowing arrows" from Sou Sou after pledging to "make" 100,000 arrows for Shuu Yu or Shuu Yu could take Shoukatsu Ryou's head! And Shoukatsu Ryou got _OVER 150,000_ arrows by letting them collect on a bunch of straw targets on some boats one foggy morning, just letting Sou Sou shoot an almost _endless number arrows_ at him without realizing he was supplying his own enemy with them! That was my favorite part of the battle of Red Cliff! Shoukatsu Ryou is _amazing!_ He's one of Jen's favorite character, too, his family all like Ryuu Bi and his allies. Or all of Shoukatsu Ryou and Shiba Ii's battles near the end…It was _really_ cool. I know Rinchei _loves_ that time period and Jen...

…He knows a lot about it. All the characters in Chinese, naturally. I just know one or two and I _can barely_ pronounce any of them. We talked a little about the games Rinchei got and how he was _already_ playing his new Three Kingdoms game and trying to conquer China. For the "twenty millionth time since he first heard the words 'Dynasty Warriors' or 'Three Kingdoms' as video games." Ha ha ha, Jen...He likes games but _nothing_ like Rinchei. I know Rinchei _does_ like to play as Chou Kou in Dynasty Warriors who's…_flamng gay_, but…

…Chou Kou's not _real_—Well, he _is_ and _isn't_ at the same time. The _real_ Chou Kou wasn't flaming gay, and…Gay video game characters are _funny!_ Real gays?

…_Terrifying_. I-I _see_ Jen's face again as I think back to earlier, being reminded of Jen and the "closest" this topic ever came up between us, when he talked about Rinchei's favorite character, Chou Kou: _"I swear, Takato, my brother is _obsessed_ with Zhang He in that game…I don't even know _why,_ he just…Makes him laugh, I guess."_ …If Chou Kou makes Rinchei laugh, I…I wonder what _I'd_ do.

Would Jen tell Rinchei? Did he go home, saying, _"Takato hit on me! He's gay! Can you believe this?"_

I-I bet Rinchei's replies would be Choukou's _best_ quotes, modified for _me!_ I-I've played Dynasty Warriors with Rinchei a few times…I can just _hear_ them making fun of me

"_So, is the Digital World…Pretty?"_ Rinchei…

_"What? It was…weird, if anything." …_Jen…

_"We will go into the Digital World with this beautiful Digimon I created! _THIS_ is the art of Digimon Taming~!" _…I can see it, now.

"_A downhill charge, like falling blossoms…GUILMON! LET'S DANCE AROUND THE DEVAS!_"_ …_To Jen, I'm _terrifying_.

"_Jen, your battle against Zhuqiaomon was…__**BEAUTIFUL~!**__"_ …To Rinchei, I'm one _big, flaming joke_…

"_D-Reaper is not…beautiful…IT'S NOT BEAUTIFUL AT ALL! We will teach such an ugly program THE TRUE BEAUTY OF DIGIMON TAMING!"_ …Yeah, I-I can…I can almost _see_ them, joking around: Chou Ta_kou_to. The 'Elegant Dancing Guilmon Tamer' or…_Something!_ I just know, Rinchei will…Make his jokes, Jen might join in. Jen might laugh.

Jen…Maybe if you can laugh at me, you won't…hate me. I-I could accept that, maybe. Just as long as you still want _something_ to do with me after today. As long as you don't hate me. Or you're not _afraid_ of me. You…You'll have someone to joke about, I won't mind…Much. It's a small price if…we're still friends.

…No, Jen….Jen wouldn't make fun of me. Not to my face like that. Rinchei? Sure. Hirokazu? _Naturally._ Ruki? As if there was _ever_ any doubt? Kenta? See Hirokazu, _again!_ Ryou? I don't know, _probably!_ But, Jen?

Jen isn't like that. He…He might joke with Rinchei in private but he wouldn't make fun of me to my face. He's Jen, he's…_the best._ If only…If _only_ I wasn't so stupid.

As I walk into my room, it's like walking into art class…I see my "art corner," by my closet. My latest project that isn't for school on the drawing board: A sketch of Jen and I with our partners.

Wonderful,_ everything_ reminds me of Jen…I can't even draw anymore without thinking of him. I-I thought, maybe, I could draw something to take my mind off what happened but…

…No, I-I…I can't _bring myself_ to draw. It reminds me of Jen, now. The Jen who's afraid of me.

In today's art class, we had to pick a partner to sketch. Naturally, Jen and I picked each other. Jen took "art" this year because he needs the "Art" grade. You need _at least_ one passing art grade to graduate, after all.

He could have gone with the pottery, calligraphy or choir class, but…He picked the painting\drawing class I was in, too, without even _knowing!_ We…We _were_ just _that _inseparable, I guess.

Now?

I doubt he'll want to finish his sketch of me, or even _think_ of letting me sketch him from anything but…_Memory_.

Jen's a memory, now.

_Memory_. Gods, I remember when he showed me his schedule before school started at the end of break.

"_You picked that as your art class? Why?"_

_"I guess I want to learn how to draw like you can…You're _really_ amazing, Takato. I _wish_ I could draw like you could. Can you give me pointers for class?"_

_"Sure,_ in_ class…We have the same art period."  
_

"_Really? That's great! But…_You_ need art lessons? Or is it for an easy grade?"_

"_A little of both, Jen-kun, ha ha ha! I could_ always_ use some tips."_

_"Same here, except…Promise not to get mad if I end up drawing a_ really_ bad sketch of you someday?"_

_"Ha ha, Jen, wait until you've actually attended_ one class_ before you tell yourself you're bad…You…You're not a bad artist at all, I've seen some of your sketches."_

_"Yeah, my so-called sketches are…On par with your pre-school masterpieces, I'll bet."_

_"Oh, then can I put your finger-painting of a kitty on the fridge?"_

_"Ha ha ha, it's supposed to be Terriermon."_

_"That explains all the green, then."_

Of course, Jen…_really_ was better than he let on. We've sketched each other before for that class. He's not _great_, but…

…I think he did a great job on each one. And he got better and better during the school year. He said I got "even better," too…Jen used to love my artwork, I'd give him sketches now and then of things I know he'd really like. Like memories from The Digital World, or Terriermon or…

…Once or twice, _him_. I'd give him a sketch I drew of him from…the now _depressing_ word: Memory. And I'd ask him how well he thought I did without actually _using_ him as a real model.

Jen always said "Perfect,_ Takato-kun!"_ or tell me I'm the _best_ artist he's ever known (I liked to point out: I'm the _only_ "artist" he's ever known).

And, now…No more art. I look at the sketch I was working on, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Because Jen isn't going to be there to tell me how much he likes my art, or thank me for giving him a sketch or drawing he really likes…

…He's probably throwing those away. I know it. If he and Rinchei aren't making a bunch of "Flaming Gay Takato" jokes with Chou Kou, then…He's throwing away all those sketches. At least, those of _him_…Because I drew them out of _love_. Love for…another male. _Jenrya Li._

…Damn it.

I fall on my bed, sniffing and…I cry, I just _cry_. I pray my parents didn't follow me up to _hear_ any of this. And that the walls are thick enough or, at least, my pillow can drown out the sounds of me sobbing uncontrollably.

I'm such an idiot.

And everyone…They'll find out soon, I just know it. Not that Jen even _has_ to tell them, but he _could_. He's probably warning the others: Beware of Takato.

Or, even if he didn't…I can just see how tomorrow would go:

Hirokazu and Kenta would notice, _immediately_ that we had some kind of fight. Kenta would go see Jen, Hirokazu would go see me and they'd try to figure out what happened on their own…

…And Hirokazu won't leave me _alone!_ He'll drive me _insane_, bug me in _every_ class we share (two and lunch, but he usually hangs out with Kenta at lunch or ditches his fifth period class for fast food to split with Kenta) and _wait for me_ in the halls between classes _we don't share!_ He won't stop. I know Kenta would accept "I don't want to talk about it" if Jen _is_ kind enough to keep my secret but…

…Hirokazu?

I-I can see myself _finally_ snapping and telling him I confessed to Jen. Knowing my luck, it'd be during our lunch period. I'd _scream_ at the top of my lungs, _"I CONFESSED MY LOVE TO JENRYA LI! AND NOW HE HATES ME!"_ And the _entire school_ would know what happened, I'd be the latest, juiciest piece of gossip, I'd get all the stares and whispers _all the other_ "rumored students" got in the last year _combined_ in a single day! And…That's just people I _don't_ know!

The Tamers?

Ryou and I would see each other _much_ less, especially if he figured out how…"Attractive" I think he is (_not_ that I _like_ Ryou, I love _Jen_. And _only_ Jen!). And, well, looking back he'd _probably_ realize those times I was staring, like the beach or pool, let's say…

Hirokazu? He'll never want to be _anywhere near me_ ever again!

Juri? Probably think I used her to "look straight" back when we were younger. I was using her to "hetero up."

Kenta? See Hirokazu, yet again.

Ruki? Actually, Hirokazu and Kenta might still like me after she finds out: No more gay jokes about them…Just me. I'm one _big_ gay joke to _everyone_, now. She'd be worse than Rinchei, I'd be…Pretty much at her verbal mercy whenever she's near…

…Of course, the only time I see Ruki is with the others, so if the others don't want to be around me, then….Ruki won't have her big gay punching bag. Because she'd be the _only_ one who wants to be around me and that's because she wants her big gay punching bag _and_ an audience…No audience, no punching bag, no Ruki.

No friends.

And that's just being optimistic. If the school found out, either through Jen or my own idiocy with screaming at Hirokazu: My family will find out. Gods, I-I didn't even _consider_ that.

I cry harder as I think of _all_ the nightmares I've had about them finding out they…_screwed up!_ Their only son is _gay!_ I-I'm a failure, the reject, the one they should have "tried harder" to raise "right." They'll argue whose side of the family I got this from, probably. There's _no way_ it was from a _MATSUDA!_ It must be Mom's Okinawan side of the family: The Urazoe's…Gods…

…Kai…What would _he_ think about me? He's…

…Kai's the _closest_ person I'll _ever_ have to a "brother," I guess. Before, when we were kids, he'd make fun of me, tease me, drive me insane…But after that trip with Guilmon? I remember how I _didn't_ want to go but, well, I _had_ to visit my family and my parents thought I'd _love_ Okinawa, even though as a kid…I was sort of _terrified_ of everything from crabs to even a _sea turtle_ that snuck up behind me while I was snorkeling as a kid with Kai…I-I thought I was going to _drown_, but Kai managed to get me back up to the surface after I swallowed some water _screaming_ at the _HUGE_ Green Sea Turtle that 'was gonna eat me,' or _something_, That's what I told everyone, crying (I was, I think, six or seven), but in reality it just startled me and I 'inhaled' some water…Thank the Gods Kai was nearby. He _pulled me_ the three feet up to the surface I _somehow_ forgot was _there_, I forgot how to just _float_…Kai knew what to do, he got me to _fresh air_, I coughed up some water but I was fine….Except I _never_ wanted to go to _another beach_ or _the ocean_ ever again! I didn't even like _pools_ for a while. The Goggles I had, I only had them because, well, I loved Digimon so much: I wanted Goggles like Taichi and Daisuke…Except they didn't make goggles _like_ theirs, I had this "goofy pair of yellow goggles." Jen…Jen told me that, um, I actually _looked good_ with the "Goggle Boy" look. Hirokazu tried it, once, with my goggles…We thought he looked weird, Jen says I'm the only Tamer who can "pull off" that look. I'm one of the "Goggle Boys," except I didn't get to be an anime character, I just _lived through_ a season of my favorite show, pretty much…And Jen lived through that same "season," too. He was…My Yamato or my Ken, I guess…

…And we all know how_ that_ can be interpreted. We know Digimon has a _strong_ shounen-ai fanbase…I know because, um, I'm a _member_ of said fanbase. It…helped me ease into the idea of being gay, a little. Admitting that I _liked_ Taito and things like that was one of my first "gay baby steps," I guess.

But that trip with Guilmon? Even going snorkeling again for the first time in _years?_ I guess I was finally old enough to have _fun_, especially since it was just Kai, Guilmon and I most of the time. Like when he caught that octopus and we had _fresh_ roasted octopus on the shore. Kai's a _great_ fisherman, he's following in Grandpa Wataru's footsteps, he _loves_ fishing. He also _loves_ the "beautiful babes in beautiful bikinis on the beautiful beaches of beautiful Okinawa." Yeah, my cousin _loves_ women and…

…I play along, I don't use any girls I really know when we talk over the phone or online voice or video chat. I _hate_ talking about girls on _video chat_, Kai can _see_ how…awkward I am _trying_ to "like girls," too…I wonder if he suspects me because of that, maybe the others suspect, too, because of how…_awkward_ I am around that topic! I can't even _pretend_ to like girls right! I just "like" one or two girls in my classes, I might make up a girl or something when we talk. Just "some cute girl" in my art class, I "sketched her" when we were assigned to sketch our classmates. When, in reality, all of our "partnered" sketches were of _Jen_, I drew _Jen_ and Jen drew _me_…

…And I _always_ put extra work into those sketches. I _never_ wanted to do a _bad_ sketch of Jen. _Ever_.

And, again, I'm reminded of Jen when I think about that trip to Okinawa. Namely how _scared_ I was in that "Water Zone" when we got separated from the others…And Jen was either brave or _insane_ enough to figure out how The Digital World _works_ and tried to _breathe_ _water!_

And it _worked_…I kept forgetting I could breathe, I saw a bubble? I was underwater again. Thank the _Gods_ that_ JEN_ was there! Hi-His confidence, the fact he was so calm is _the only_ way I could have _survived_ all that! The fact he...risked his _life_ to _test_ that theory, as much as Terriermon kept chanting "Moumantai," I-I was _scared to death_ that my best friend just…Killed himself, pretty much.

Thank you, Jen, for…being brave enough to get us through_ anything_.

And yet…I'm still scary. Because of how much…I don't even have to say _love_ you, just how much I _admire_ everything _about_ you! You're brave, Jen…I might have been Dukemon but, you? You're Jen, you're the bravest person I know and probably will _ever_ know. I-I wish I wasn't that…._one thing_ you're afraid of, Jen. Some _pervert_ who loves you, who's too stupid to realize he's making the biggest mistake of his _life_…

…Because love makes you stupid: Kai said that once, telling me about his latest "romantic failures." Though Kai is _pretty good_ with women, he has his, um, "failures." Or "One Date Wonders," usually he says or does something stupid to try to impress her and ends up getting hurt or looking stupid or something like that. Unlike me, though, who'd _never_ live it down…Kai somehow doesn't let those things get to him. He forgets about them by the next morning, usually. He's an idiot until he goes to bed, then he's Kai Urazoe again the next morning.

I envy that about you, Kai-kun, you can ignore things like that. You make a mistake, your life isn't over. I make _one huge mistake_, my life is over. It's like a circle of dominos, all lined up perfectly for my destruction.

…So, let's line up my dominos…

From Me to Jen to all the other Tamers to my parents to Kai and Grandpa Wataru to…Me again. I'm the first and last domino in a long circle of misery, one false move and I'll knock _everything_ over and destroy my life…

…And I did that. I fell, then the Jen domino fell, then my friends, my parents, Kai, Grandpa Wataru and…Me. I'm the first and last to fall, I'm…I'm miserable now. I've lost everything.

"…Takato," damn it…Please, _please_ don't tell me you heard me crying from downstairs, Dad._ Please!_ Or, worse, you got a call from Jen or his family: Telling you what I did and how they don't want me _anywhere near_ Jen ever again. How they're switching him out of all my classes and—"Dinner." …Oh, dinner?

Already?

I go to my door, wiping my eyes. I open it, trying to avoid eye contact and sound _normal._ "Thanks, Dad." I take my plate, it's chicken curry with a loaf of Guilmon bread. I start to close my door, Dad stops me. "Da-Dad?"

"…Are you _sure_ you're…okay?" Dad asks, he looks worried. "Please, Takato, you can talk to us."

"I-I'm really okay, Dad," I whisper. "I-I'm fine, I just…had a rough day. That's it." _Rough_ doesn't even_ begin _to describe _my day!_ But… I can't tell him that. I don't want to _add_ more misery, I just…

…Want to be a little happy, like before. Or to somehow _pretend_ that I can _be_ happy like before.

"…Okay, but we're downstairs if you need us. You've…Were you…crying, Takato?"

"N-No," obvious lie. Please, Dad,_ just pretend I don't exist!_ I-I just want to be _alone_ in my misery…

"Takato…"

"…Please, Dad, I-I can't…" He _knows_ something _huge_ happened, I can't lie my way out of this. "I-I just…need to be alone."

Dad nods. "If that's what you want, Takato, but…Like I said, if you want to talk to us: We'll listen, we're downstairs. Any time you feel like talking to us…Please?"

"I-It's not _that_ big a deal, Dad, _really!_ I-I just…had a rough day, I'll survive," I whisper, hoping he doesn't see me starting to tear up again. _Please_, just leave me _alone_.

"Okay. Feel better, Takato, your Mom's…really worried," Dad says.

"Tell her I'm fine, _really_…I'll be my old self tomorrow. Just wait, I promise," I _hate_ lying to my parents and, even worse, breaking promises to them but I _want_ to be _alone_. Because, as of today, I _am_ alone. I-I don't have Jen, I won't have my friends, soon I won't have you or Kai…Or _anyone_.

It's just me…I'll be the only domino standing, now. Alone. When I fall, I'll be the only one to blame for it, the only one hurt by it. Just the only one. I'm alone, now. I won't have anyone to catch me from falling, but I also won't have anyone to bring down with me, anymore…

…I don't want that but it's my future, I just know it. Why was I so stupid? I didn't listen to common sense.

"Okay, enjoy your dinner, Takato," Dad says. I nod with a forced smile. As soon as he leaves, I close my door and…I set my dinner on my desk and wipe my eyes, I'm crying again. I-I _hate_ crying like this, I haven't cried like this since Guilmon but…

…I'm miserable. I _hate myself!_ Jen…"needed to think," he needed to "think" of a way to get as far from me as _possible!_ Not that I blame him.

I sit at my desk, sighing and poking at the curry covered rice with my chopsticks…

…I hate myse—Huh?

My cell phone just went off…And it's Jen's ringtone. Je-Jen? You're…calling me? To say "goodbye," right? Now it's…official: We're no longer friends. You can't stand being around me.

…I understand. I brought this on myself. I-I deserve _nothing_ less. I'm sorry, Jen, I've ruined everything. I just…Please, Jen, be happy without me, at least. I know you can do that. I can't be happy without you but…

…That's the reality I just created for myself. I have to face it, now. Goodbye, Jen…I'll miss you.

I, cautiously, answer. Letting out a quiet sob first. "…Jen…?"

"Takato, um...I've been doing some thinking-"

I-I can't let him finish, I just…_I have to beg_, just so we can pretend it never happened. We can still be friends…Somehow. _Please_, Jen, I don't want to be miserable without you. I-I'll do anything if you'll…tolerate me, at least.

"Jen, I'm...so sorry about before. W-We can pretend it never happened, that I'm not—"–Gay.

But Jen interrupts me. With…Something I didn't think I'd _ever_ hear from him.

"Takato, I don't hate you. I love you, too." …Je-Jen?

Did he…Did _Jen_ really just _say that?_ H-He…He _loves me, too?_

I-I'm going insane, or my hearing's going, I confused the words 'love' and 'hate' somehow, there's _no possible way_ Jen just said…

…_I love you, too._

This is a dream, I fell asleep crying and this is a dream. A dream I _never_ want to wake up from but…It's still a dream, I-I _have_ to be dreaming. This isn't_ possible!_

Is it?

I-I can't control the smile on my face, I-I _still_ don't think I heard him right or…I'm really losing my mind! But..I _can't_ stop smiling! "...Wh-What? J-Jen did you really just say that? Y-You...said you love me?" …Please, _please_ tell me I heard you right. _Please_, Jen…I'll do _anything!_

"That's what I needed to think about, Takato. I didn't know how I felt about you. And what I did feel, I at least knew it was anything but hate. I love you, Takato." He _really_ said it…Jen feels the same…

…Gods, _thank you_. Thank you _so much…_I'm sorry I ever doubted you. Tha-That little voice was right. The louder voice was…all of my insecurities over my orientation, they wanted me to keep from that "final step," I guess…Being with _Jen_, who…I-I _love_.

And he loves me, too.

If this is a dream, though…I _never_ want to wake up. I-I'm tempted to pinch myself or something, but…I don't want it to wake me up!

Jen continues, he sounds _so_ calm and relaxed. Not…like I feared: _Afraid_ of me. "Can we meet at the park? As soon as possible?" _Yes_, Jen! _YES!_

"O-Of course! Jen...Thank you. Wh-What made you...realize this?" A-After what happened, and even _before_…I was _sure_ he was straight. I-I _know_ I can't 'change him' if he wasn't and, even if I wanted to…

…I don't want Jen to go through _anything_ like I did. So much fear, anxiety, depression. I-I couldn't live with myself if I somehow _did_ have the power to 'turn Jen gay,' because I wouldn't want him to go through what I did for so long. Even though I-I _know_ it's…_All gone now!_

This…I can't believe this is _really happening!_

"I just...asked someone who had 'the passion of the cut sleeve' as well." Huh?

"...The...what?"

I hear a quiet chuckle from Jen. "I'll tell you at the park, okay? Meet me there?"

"As _soon_ as possible, _thank you…Thank you_ so _much_, Jen…I-I…I _love you!_" I-I can't believe I could _say that_ again! A-And he said it _twice!_ Gods, _thank you!_

If one _did_ point at me and say 'make that one gay,' I-I…I think it was followed up with, 'He'll be so happy in the end.'

"I…I love you, too, Takato. See you soon." Jen hangs up, I-I have to _stare_ at my phone for a moment…Call ended: Jenrya Li, his number displayed below his name…

…This is _real_.

I go to my door, _running_ down the hall and downstairs. I slip my shoes on and _run_ to the door!

Dad steps into the hall, I skid to a halt in front of him. "Ta-Takato—"

"Gotta run to the park!" I say, quickly, slipping past him.

"Wha-What? _The park?_ This late? Why—"

_"Really_ important!" I say.

"We-Were you.._.smiling_ just now…?"

"Day…Just got better!" I say, I'm _not_ going to tell him why or how, but…

"Re-Really? …_At the park?_"

"Yep! Sorry, Dad, I'll…finish dinner later!" I open the back door.

"…All right," I hear Dad laugh, going back into the dining room downstairs. Thank the Gods, he didn't ask _any_ follow up questions.

I run as fast as I can to the park, to Guilmon's spot.

Jen…He doesn't _hate me_. It's…_the opposite!_

"_You idiot, he's just going to play a mean joke and out you—_" SHUT UP! I never want to hear that so-called "common sense" _ever again!_

I _finally_ stop at Guilmon's spot, the only places I _didn't_ run were at crosswalks, waiting for the 'WALK' sign…And I almost caught myself _running in place_ while I waited…Ha ha ha! This is…_Thank the Gods!_ Thank _Jen!_

I catch my breath at Guilmon's spot, leaning against the building and wiping my forehead with my sleeve. I'm sweating just a little but…I-I don't think it matters. Jen's going to be here any minute now. I sit on the top steps, I-I can't stop smiling. Ever since he called me…I can't stop.

I only have to wait five minutes before I see Jen under one of the light of a lamppost up ahead. He sees me wave, _smiling_. He waves back and starts running over…

He stops at the bottom of the stairs, I stand he walks up…_Smiling_. H-He's smiling...I never thought I'd see him smile around me again.

"Jen…Yo-You weren't…kidding? You…meant what you said?" I ask as he approaches.

Jen gives a slow, cautious nod. "Ye-Yeah, I-I…Spoke to, um, my cousin, Jiuxian," he says. Huh? I never knew Jen had a cousin…Juushan?

"Your…cousin?" That…makes me think of Kai, actually. I-I don't know why, I guess because, like I said: Kai _is_ the closest I'll _ever_ have to a big brother.

Jen motions for us to sit, I sit down on the steps, Jen does the same. He nods, saying, "Well, he called me and…I-I sort of _didn't_ want to talk to him because of…Takato, I_ swear_, I just needed to figure out…_How_ I felt about you. It wasn't hate, though. It never was, it never could be," Jen turns to me with a smile.

I lower my head, my smile fades slightly. "I'm…sorry I didn't believe you at first, Jen, I-I was just so scared and…I-I don't know, maybe I wasn't _ready_ to tell you to where I wasn't expecting you to hate me or something," I shrug.

Jen puts an arm around me. "Trust me, I _understand_ completely, Takato," Jen says. "I-I had, um, a freak out like you did, too, sort of." _You_ did? Je-Jen, you're _not_ emotional like I am. Even I know, um, from Ruki: I'm the _King_ of Crybabies. I don't _cry_ like I used to (except for_ tonight_) but...I-I'm prone to emotional 'freak outs' like that. Jen? Not really, at least, _nothing_ like me. And it's usually when he _finally_ manages to lose his temper. That takes _thorough_ provocation these days, though. Someone who wants to make Jen _lose it_, um, not only has to work _really_ hard but…Is probably _suicidal_. So, for him to 'freak out' like _I_ did earlier?

…I'm sorry, Jen. I-It's…scary to realize, I know. I'm sorry you had to face that, too, like I did. But I _know_ you, Jen, you _had_ to have handled it better than I _ever_ could. You're…_You!_

"What happened? What's this…about _sleeves?"_ I…I've _never_ heard that term before, I-I don't really _remember_ exactly what Jen said. The love of the torn sleeve?

"_Duan xiu zhi pi_," Jen says, in Chinese. "I-It means 'the passion of the cut sleeve,' it's a Chinese phrase for…homosexuality, actually. A 'cut sleeve' is someone gay, sort of. It goes back to Han China, one of the Emperors cut off the sleeve of his robe because his male lover, Dong Xian, held it in his sleep and he didn't want to wake him."

"An _Emperor?_" China…had _gay_ Emperors? This is news to me…

…And makes me wish China still had that particular Dynasty. Wo-Wow…I wonder, um, how big or little of a deal it is _now_ over there, actually. I-I'll ask Jen later, I know he's been to a _lot_ of parts in China to visit family.

"Emperors could have_ anyone_ they wanted, Takato. Male or female," Jen laughs a little. "But, Jiuxian called me and wouldn't leave me alone unless I told him why I sounded so upset. So, um, I told him a friend of mine had…come out. He asked if I was upset about that, but I told him, 'No, he'll _always_ be my friend. It's more that he said he_ loved _me.' A-And he asked, like it was_ nothing_, 'Do you love him back?' A-And, well, that was what I'd spent the past few hours _thinking_ about: Whether or not…I _loved_ you, too. I just didn't say 'gay' to myself, I called it 'the passion of the cut sleeve.'"

I nod. I-I can't believe this. That's what Jen had to think about? _How_ he felt about me?

"And, when I realized I…'might' be gay, too, I sort of broke down. I apologized to Jiuxian because I 'might' be gay. He told me to _never_ apologize for it. And talked me…down to normal, I guess. I was suddenly afraid D—Jiuxian would…hate me, I guess. No matter how calm he was or how he didn't make any big deal about it, I was scared he was going to be upset. I-I don't even know _why_, I-I was…just scared." …I know why, Jen, because it's scary in general. Just telling _myself_ was scary…

…I'm so sorry you were scared, too, Jen. Like I said, if I _somehow_ could have…_made_ you gay, too, I would _never_ do that since you'd have go to through everything I did. I don't want anyone I care about be as scared and depressed as I was. Especially you. But, I know you, Jen, you had to have handled it a _lot_ better than I _ever_ did.

"What did…he say about that?"

"Jiuxian's…a lot older than I am, so he told me that…" Jen pauses, clearing his throat. He's still a little nervous, obviously, but he _still_ looks calm and collected, especially compared to me. "H-He sad that whe-when he was my age, he had a 'passion of the cut sleeve.' He was _bi_, Takato-kun," Jen looks to me, _smiling._ "My…cousin is _bi_, I-I was _stunned!_ I-I didn't have a problem, both with him and, well, _myself_ after he told me that and…He helped me sort out how I felt about you."

"A-And you…_love_ me?"

Jen nods. "Ye-Yeah, I told him I felt the 'opposite of hate' for you," Jen laughs a little. "I-I was still afraid to tell _anyone else_ I loved you, but…He knew what I meant. And I called you a little after that…I-I had a feeling you _needed_ to hear from me, especially…" He turns to me with a smile. "I love you, too, Takato…chan."

My eyes feel wet again, I-I can't hold back as I hug Jen, _tightly_. He lets out a surprised shout, but hugs back…Just as tight. "_I love you, too, Jen-chan._" I whisper, a quiet sob escapes. "I-I wanted to tell you for so long but I was so afraid that you'd hate me."

"I told you, I couldn't hate you even if I tried…And I _don't_ plan to try hating you anytime soon," Jen says. He lets go of me, I do the same. "I-I thought back to when we were kids, how much time we spent together…And, um, I-I sort of, well, when we were about twelve or so…I thought of myself as 'devoted' to you, because of how close we were."

"Devoted?" I ask.

Jen nods. "I thought of us like Oath Brothers, like in _San Guo Yan Yi_—I mean…Sangokushi."

"Ryuu Bi, Chou Hei and Kuan-sama?" I ask.

Jen turns to me, surprised. "Ye-Yeah, you've _read_ Three Kingdoms or…just, um, Lianjie's games?"

"I-I read it once, Chou Un was my favorite character," I say. The 'Little Dragon,' he was one of Ryuu Bi's _best_ generals, too. I especially liked the battle where he saved Ryuu Bi's son as an infant, he held him under his armor and fought _an entire army_ to get back to Ryuu Bi.

"Zhao Zilong? Re-Really? I play as him in Dynasty Warriors, especially versus mode with Lianjie. Or co-ops, even if Lianjie's _forcing me_ to fight for Wei because he's player one as…Three _beautiful_ guesses, Takato." Ha ha ha!

I laugh a little. Rinchei _only_ plays as Chou Kou. "You…Thought of us like 'oath brothers' back then?"

Jen nods. "I realized that, maybe, that 'devotion' was how…I rationalized how I feel about you, I wasn't 'in love' or 'gay,' I was _devoted_ to my best friend. But Jiuxian helped me realize: I have the passion of the cut sleeve, too."

"Tha-That's…_amazing_, Jen-chan," I say.

Jen stands up, holding out his hand. "Want to…sit at a bench, real quick? Somewhere more comfortable and out of the way? No chance for…witnesses?"

I nod, standing up and taking _Jen's hand_, I-I can't believe I'm _holding_ his hand. "Su-Sure…"

He leads me to a bench a ways behind Guilmon's spot, it's far from any paths and under a tree…

…We talk for a little bit, but after Jen tells me a little more about his talk with his cousin…?

…Jen shows me what he meant by 'no chance for witnesses.'

_Our_ first kiss…

…Of many.

* * *

A few weeks later…

The…_chaos_ of Jen's Grandfather is _over_, he left last week, and the rest of his stay had no, um, "further incidents" outside of…Well, everyone _finally_ telling him how funny it was when he picked Kakko En—I mean…_Xiahou Yuan_ as player 2 in Dynasty Warriors (almost _every_ time, unless he played as one of Liu Bei's forces) when Lianjie-niisan played as Zhang He (I'm, um, practicing Chinese by _not_ using the Japanese pronunciation of Three Kingdoms\Dynasty Warriors characters I know anymore, I _really_ want to learn the language for Jen-chan). He _didn't_ like the fact that the game was hinting that Zhang He had a _thing_ for his character, though he actually _didn't_ see the hints in some of the cutscenes (Lianjie-niisan actually _made sure_ he saw at least _one_ of them as a "test," Jiyan-san _didn't_ notice it, to our _shock_ since it was really blatant).

And, um, Lianjie-_niisan_ really is serious about being my new big brother. I-I like it, actually, it's sort of fun.

All is…more or less forgiven. I meant what I said when I told Jen I could forgive his grandfather for…_Outting me_. It was because I _really_ lost all my anxieties and fears when I heard Jen tell me he loved me. I had _nothing_ to _ever_ be afraid of again, even my family. Especially knowing I had Jen, Mr. Li, Lianjie-niisan and, shockingly enough, _Yamaki-san_ to rely on for support and understanding…I-I can't believe Lianjie-niisan was bi, too, and…so scared, I mean, even _I_ handled things…a little better. Um, beyond the "occasional dude on the side" thing, I-I _couldn't_ do _that!_ I-I wanted to be with Jen and _only_ Jen.

Jen did apologize for lying about having a 'cousin Jiuxian.' I told him I understood, I mean, he'd have had to out his own father…And, um, I-I know _that_ would have made our 'confession night' a _little_ awkward to where, um, I_ know_ the topic would be just '_Your Dad_ is _bi?'_ Instead of '_You feel the same?'_ I mean, I, um, thought about how _I'd_ feel if one of my parents said _that_ to me…

…It'd be, um, relieving but _awkward as hell_. I mean, um, I _don't_ want to know _that much_ about my parents' love lives, past or present (Jen admits, he was…_really_ weirded out when his father first told him, then _TEN TIMES_ more when he said he was with_ Yamaki-san_). Still, I-I couldn't _believe it_ when Mr. Li told me about himself, but…

…I also felt bad for what his father did to him and Yamaki-san, even though, um, it _did_ lead to Jen's _existence_ (Jen feels the same way, though, but Mr. Li and Yamaki-san always point the "existing" thing out to him). I just…_don't_ want to ever go through that with Jen, and…Things came too close for comfort at first.

_Especially_ that, um, "after school snack," I-I _had no idea_ what was happening. I mean, I was…"Just friends" with Jen when it came to family, I thought, but…I was _really_ glad to hear we had their support, Jen apologized if I thought the joke was mean or 'mild-heart-attack-inducing.' I told him I didn't mind, since it _was_ an "acceptance cake," ha ha ha! I was _amazed_ by how well his parents took things, though the reason why is now a little obvious…Not that Mr. Li is, I-I mean! I mean, I _had no idea!_ _Especially_ when it came to _Yamaki-san!_ That was…a _huge_ shock…

…Yamaki-san did say he was "surprised" about Jen and I…But, um, _mostly_ Jen. Ha ha ha, I-I guess I'm…not exactly subtle when you think about it for a few minutes. My Dad, um, even told me after he became more accepting of Jen and I after a day or two, _"Well, um, no offense son, but…I thought about things and, given how close you were to Jenrya before and, um, well…"_

…I saved him the trouble: _"I'm…Just, _me_, right?"_

_"…Yeeeaaah…No offense."_

I-I actually had to hold back a laugh at the 'awkwaaard' look on his face.

"_N-No-None…Taken…"_ …I sort of failed. My Dad finally had a laugh, too. He's…_still_ impressed about the fact I'm learning Chinese for Jen_ and_ how well I speak it, according to Jen, too. I-I _still_ can't believe he _tells customers_ that _and_ that it's "for my _boyfriend_." Though, um, a lot of the shocked looks he gets _are_ kind of funny, I-I saw a few in the hallway…My Dad, actually, _defended_ me from a customer who, um, didn't really _approve_ of that idea.

"_O-Oh, I'm sorry…"_

_"For_ what?_ My son's learning another language for his boyfriend!"_

_"Uh…Exactly.."_

Cue the _long_, _very annoyed_ stare from my Dad.

"_Er…A-Anyway, um….What's the price for this bread?"_

_"…Ten million yen."_

_"Wha-What?"_

…The Matsuda bakery apparently pays a "very steep homophobic customer tax" the government (supposedly) passed last fall. He'd "get arrested" if he didn't charge it! Ha ha ha, my Dad…is actually being a _little_ comical about all this, I _still_ can't believe it! Jen-chan and I laughed_ so hard_ when I told him about it. Though, um, I made him _promise_ if Jen's grandfather came back: He'd be _exempt_ from that tax...

"_I don't know, son, that tax would earn us a _lot_ of money from him…"_

_"Takato-chan, I wouldn't turn down that money, my Grandfather _really_ liked that leftover Guilmon bread we had…"_ Jen was there for that, I asked my parents to _not_ bring up the 'incident' if Jen's Grandfather_ did_ come back to the bakery (he didn't), I really wanted it to stay in the past…

Though, um, I ended up being outted to someone else…

It was last Saturday, my weekly video chat with Kai-kun. I sat at my computer as usual…

"_Takato-kun, hey—Hold it, adjust your camera, all I see is your chest. And I don't stare at _flat_ chests. Especially one's I'm _related_ to."_

_"O-Oh, sorry, Kai-kun…That better?"_

_"Much…"_

I noticed then, Kai had…this _grin_ on his face.

"_Kai-kun? What is it?"_

_"Oh, just thinking since we brought up chests…How's that Juri-girl these days?"_

…And I started my usual 'humor Kai\Hirokazu\Kenta\_whoever_ is talking girls with me' routine.

"_Juri? Um…She's great, uh…I'm _not_ going to go on about her, um, chest-area, though…"_

_"I'm_ sure_ you won't…"_

_"What?"_

_"…I _might_ have overheard a phone-call Gramps told me I wasn't supposed to hear…"_

_"…A-A phone call…?"_

_"…How's Jenrya's chest?"_

_"Er…! Wo-Wouldn't…Wouldn't know! We're just friends!"_ I-I _knew_ where this was going but...With Kai, I still wanted to try to deny it. Even if it was, um, obvious he was 'having fun' by teasing me, as usual. I just hoped he was teasing me _without_ knowing how right he was.

"_Suuure you are…"_

_"N-Not funny Kai!"_

_"Wanna bet?"_

…The _huge_ laugh I got from Kai, though, told me: He approved. Kai _loves_ embarrassing me. Like I said, until Lianjie-niisan, Kai _is_ the closest thing I've ever had to a brother. And given how Lianjie _loves_ to drive Jen insane…

…That analogy is more, um, spot on than I realized.

"_Re-Relax, cousin! Yo-Your Mom called Gramps and…Ha ha ha, I heard him say, 'Takato's dating _Jenrya?_ …Makes sense, those two are pretty close—Shit! Kai's here!' And…I'm _supposed_ to be sworn to secrecy, but…Ha ha ha, I-I can't believe you never told me!"_

_"I-I didn't know how…you'd react."_

_"Cousin, you're _you_, if I can accept a cousin who thinks the best way to escape a 'deadly sea turtle' is by trying to breathe water, I can accept a gay cousin, too."_

_"…That sea turtle looked _really_ hungry, Kai…"_ He'll _never_ let me live down how he saved me from a _sea turtle_…

…The same way I don't let him live down the "_Come on! This reef is knee deep at most, Takato-kun! Watch!" _Incident a year later, Kai was trying to get me over my "fear of water." One splash later and…_ "DAMN IT! SEA URCHIN! SEA URCHIN! DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!"_ Ha ha ha! Kai…spent the next hour with Grandpa Wataru pulling sea urchin spines out of his foot while screaming 'very bad words' into a beach towel.

"_Quit being such a baby, it's just twenty or thirty spines!"_

"_THEY HURT LIKE A…" _Cue muffled swearing._ "…GRAMPS!"_

"_Yeah, yeah, I got some pain killers I never used when my leg broke last summer, you want 'em in your bottle, big baby?" _Cue a _ton_ of muffled swearing… _"I'll take that as a yes, vicodin and formula with your dinner all cut up nice n' small! You want a cookie, too? Would a cookie make Kai-chan feel better about his wittle boo-boo?"_ …Then _more_ 'muffled screams.'

But Kai…Actually gave me _dating advice_ and asked when Jen would be his _cousin-in-law!_ I-I'm serious! …And really glad I have a cousin like Kai. I told him the story, leaving our Mr. Li and Yamaki, but I _had_ to include Jen's grandfather when Kai mentioned my Mom told Grandpa Wataru I was, in Kai's words, "outted by some old fart with a cane up his ass."

"_Er…That was…Jen's grandfather, actually."_

_"…Oh, poor Jen."_ I was really surprised by how _upset_ he looked, hearing the "old guy" was my boyfriend's _grandfather. _Kai later told me, he'd _swim_ to Shinjuku if he had to defend me somehow. I-I'm serious and…

…I was happy to hear that. He really doesn't want anyone "pulling crap like that" ever again, he even wants to know how all my friends take the news.

_"He's…less vocal, now, re-really!"_

"_Good, last thing he wants is Gramps knocking some sense into him,_" I made the mistake of telling Jen-chan _and_ Lianjie-niisan (he _insists_ I call him that, too, I don't mind at all, except when Hirokazu 'pointed something out' as revenge for all the times we, um, joined in Ruki's jokes about him and Kenta in the past…More on that later) that. I told them both about how Kai's reaction went, Jen was, of course, happy my cousin accepted me.

Lianjie-niisan joked, _"Heeey, that'd be pretty fun to watch…Old Karate Master versus Old Tai Chi Master! C'mon, Jianliang, ten thousand Yen on our Gramps, whaddya say?"_

_"…No, Lianjie."_

_"Fine…Takato, how 'bout you? Gonna defend your Gramps' honor and bet ten thousand on him?"_

_"How could we even get them to fight?"_

_"You leave _that_ to me…"_

It was while we were in line at Lotteria. I mentioned Kai since, um, we were buying lunch for a "coming out" meeting with Hirokazu and Kenta in the park a little later. Lianjie-niisan actually made _sure_ we bought enough food to feed a small army to put them in a good mood. Lots of shakes, sodas, fries, burgers and _at least_ three of every value-meal item.

What happened next was, um, interesting…

…It turns out, Kenta heard about the fight with Jen's grandfather from Jen's neighbor. The _day_ his Grandfather outted me, Jen had already followed me to the bakery and Kenta asked his neighbor to return a game Jen loaned him. He told him Jen went off after me and about the 'screamfest' that came from his apartment the other night…

Kenta told Hirokazu, and they _both_ wanted to know how (as Jen's grandfather put it as he left) "that perverted kid" had "ruined" Jen. They, um, figured it out _just_ before we got there, even how the food was to put them in a good mood and everything. They also saw us the day _after_ I confessed to Jen, Kenta said, _"You two were…_smiling_, like, in a way _Ruki_ would smack you for if she saw it! I mean, I didn't think anything at the time but…Looking back, um, _something_, um, really good had to have happened between you, obviously. I-I mean, I've _never_ seen Jen smile like that before._" I-I took that as a compliment, since…Jen really has been smiling more than _ever_ since we got together, Hirokazu even noticed Jen's been in a "better mood than usual" ever since that day. They just didn't think it meant 'Takato confessed and Jen felt the same' until the 'other evidence' began to pile up.

Though, their _first_ theory was that Jiyan-san caught Jen and I _looking at porn!_ But Hirokazu knew we weren't "that type" so he joked to Kenta, _"I betcha they clicked the wrong link just as he walked in…Hell, betcha it was _gay _porn or something if he got that pissed off! You know?"_

That was when Kenta put two and two together: It wasn't gay _porn_, just _gay_ that "ruined Jen."

Everyone sort of "came clean" about everything, Jen and I as a couple and Hirokazu and Kenta figuring it out at the last minute. Thank the Gods, _neither_ of them had _any_ problem at the time…

…But Jen's now the world's biggest pervert according to Hirokazu. Why?

_"So, um, Lianjie-niisan helped us with—"_

_"Wait, wait, _Rinchei-niisan?_ What's the deal there, Takato?"_

Jen explained, _"O-Oh, um, Lianjie adopted Takato after he found out about us. He takes it _seriously_, he wants Takato to call him that from now on, too. Takato's officially Lianjie's new brother. Like he _literally_ adopted him."_ Baaad choice of words in front of Hirokazu, Jen-chan…

_"…Dude, you _pervert!_"_

"Wha-What?"

_"Jen, think about it! Rinchei adopted Takato as his brother? Jen, that means _you're_ dating_ your brother!_"_

…I admit, once that sunk in: The look on Jen's face was, um, sort of _priceless._ We're _not really brothers now, Hirokazu!_ Gods, I admit, I had a _little_ trouble with Hirokazu's 'take' on Lianjie-niisan's _amazing_ support. Granted, being bi makes hard for him _not_ to support us…Especially since _we_ gave him, in his words, "the balls to face reality: Li males are _gay!_" Or, as Jialing pointed out (much to Jen's annoyance): _"No, they're bi, Lianjie! Except Jianliang, he's just gay." "…Thanks, Jialing." _

…And Lianjie-niisan _still_ insists Jialing has "the passion of the snapped bra" whenever she brings up his orientation. She doesn't mind, though I _did_ hear the two screaming 'cut sleeve' and 'snapped bra' at each other, but Jialing was joking while Lianjie was trying to 'annoy her away,' which was _not_ going to work anytime soon. She _still_ asks for details about Jen and I, too, but it's…_Much_ less embarrassing than I expected (for me, at least, Jen's another story…).

"…_Thank you, Hirokazu, I just _needed_ someone to twist Lianjie's complete support of Takato and I in the worst way possible._ Thank. You._"_ …I apologized later for laughing, Kenta and Hirokazu had trouble controlling themselves._ "Seriously, Hirokazu, you have the world's _most perverted_ mind!"_

"_At least I ain't got a thing for my brother!"_

_"You're not going to drop this joke any time soon, are you?"_

_"Jen, Takato, remember _AAALLLLLL_ those times you two, I repeat, _you two,_ joined in Ruki's jokes 'bout me n' Kenta? …Payback's a bitch, ain't it, Jen?"_

_"…Touche,"_ Jen couldn't _exactly _argue, we_ did_ join in Ruki's jokes but…We promised to stop since we became a couple! Re-Really! I was glad she never suspected us, apparently, since she only focused on Hirokazu and Kenta as, um…

"_At least NOW we heave a_ real_ Official Gay Couple of Digimon Taming."_ …Hirokazu reminding us of Ruki's 'description' of Hirokazu and Kenta. He supports us, though, he really does. We were amazed by that, Hirokazu is _completely_ okay with having two gay friends.

…Except…

…Kenta was a little quiet the whole time. He had a look on his face that wasn't _disapproval_ as much as, um, "shock," I guess. He was quiet when he wasn't laughing at Hirokazu's jokes or thanking us for lunch.

Actually, Jen and I both noticed: We haven't really spoken to Kenta _since_ that lunch. I'm a little worried Kenta was being polite while at the same time, um, I'm really _shocked_ that, between him and_ Hirokazu_, Kenta _might_ be the homophobic one. I mean, they _both_ take 'Otoko Shibuki' seriously, but Hirokazu_ ten times more!_

Still, I think he might just be busy. School started a little after that. Jen and I haven't seen each other _as much_ because of the heavy post-break workload. It happens after every break: You turn in your break homework and then have _twice_ as much due Monday. That's _probably_ it.

Though, we still had _some_ time for dates. And, speaking of dates…

…Lianjie-niisan is, um, _definitely_ more accepting of himself. He's still embarrassed to talk about it, especially in front of his sisters, but let's just say the 'phone call' he made went _very_ well. They've gone on one or two dates and, um, Jen made the comment, _"I've never seen Lianjie…so _happy!_ I mean, this grin he has all the time beats his 'New Dynasty Warriors' grin by a _ton_, and you _know_ how much he loves that series."_

I joked, _"Lianjie-niisan can love something_ more_ than Dynasty Warriors? Jen, don't lie like that!"_

"_Ha ha ha! Apparently he _can!_"_

Though, he's _still_ reluctant to talk about him _or_ bring him over…He was joking about "bringing him over" while Jiyan-san was in town, which Jialing is _really_ disappointed about. She _might_ be trying to follow him on a date to see what his new boyfriend looks like but, um, Lianjie-niisan manages to lose her each time. "_Lianjie's a gay ninja." _She once said.

"BI_ ninja!"_

_"Same thing, how do you _do it?_"_

"_A magician never reveals his secrets."_

_"I thought you were a ninja."_

_"I'm a_ magic_ ninja!"_

"_I thought it was _bi_ ninja."_

"_Bi-Magic-Ninja! …Bro, we _so_ gotta do a manga about that: A magic bisexual ninja! Takato, you do the art, Jianliang, Jialing n' me'll write the story! We'll make BILLIONS!"_

_"...That actually sounds like fun!" Jen_ was the one who said that, but so far we haven't done anything with the 'Bi-Magic-Ninja' manga idea…Except Jialing asked me to do some 'concept artwork,' I was happy to oblige! Actually, Mr. Li wants to know if we _do_ end up "writing manga," he says the idea "sounds crazy enough to work."

…And would you believe me if I told you _Hirokazu_ said the same thing and _wants_ a copy if it gets published? I'm _serious!_

Like Jen said, Hirokazu and Kenta's reaction sort of "set the stage" for the others for us. We told Ruki next…

"…_You're _gay_, Jen? _You? _Where's the camera?"_

_"We-We're not joking, Ruki, Takato and I…we'r, ah, 'more than friends' now."_

_"…Again, _where. Is. The. Camera?" It actually took a _long_ time to convince Ruki we were serious…

…About not believing Jen. Me? _"I mean, Matsuda? No shit! Matsuda having a _thing_ for _you?_ Double no shit! Matsuda drawing naughty pictures of you in his secret sketchbook? _TRIPLE_ no shit—"_

"_Ru-Ruki! I don't…NO!"_ I really _don't!_

"—_BUT, Jen being gay? Again, where's the camera and what orifice on Hirokazu am I gonna have to shove it through?"_

_"No camera, and Hirokazu already knows! Ruki, we're _serious! _Do I have to kiss him in front of you for you to _believe me?"

"_YES!"_

_"…Takato, may I borrow your lips?"_

…The look on Ruki's face was _really funny_. First time I _ever_ saw Ruki at a loss for words, too.

"…_Holy shit…Congrats, Matsuda."_ That was a surprise to hear, actually.

"_Co-Congrats?"_

_"Yeah, Jen's either_ really_ dedicated to the joke or you won the God of Love's 'Gay Jackpot.' Good for you."_

We were expecting her to be worse than Hirokazu but…Ruki's actually really casual about us, she makes one or two jokes about _me_, still, but Hirokazu's _still_ complaining that he and Kenta are her "main target."

"_Jen and Takato are the _Second_ Official Gay Couple of Digimon Taming!"_

_"Damn it, I thought they'd put an end to this!"_

"_I can't argue with reality, Shiota."_

Actually, um, that was how Ryou found out, too, Ruki thought we told him when she made that_ second_ official gay couple joke and…

"_Ruki? Now you're going after Jen and Takato? What'd they do to piss you off?"_

_"Jen locked lips with Takato right before my eyes. I'm not pissed, Akiyama, I'm stating a fact."_

_"…What?"_

Ryou was, probably, the most 'blindsided' out of all our friends. But he said it was because he was "so used" to Ruki's jokes that he naturally assumed any and all accusations of homosexuality were false. He supports us, but um…

…Jen _apparently_ had some sort of 'incident' with Ryou at a hot spring, one of those "we will never speak of this again" moments (Jen only told me this much; "I slipped on the wet rocks. That. Was. _IT!_") and he's _convinced_ Jen has (or _had_, since we're together now) a "thing" for him. And he likes to tease Jen about it _constantly_. Apparently Ruki's rubbed off on him.

"_Ah-ah-ah! Eyes are up here, Jen!"_

"_I'm _not_ staring at you, Ryou!"_

_"Sure you're not…"_

"_I'M NOT!_"

"_Don't worry, Takato, I won't steal his heart from you…"_

_"Gods, I expected _this_ from Ruki…Except she wouldn't joke I had a thing for her."_

_"Not unless your doom was imminent for even _implying_ she had so much as a heart _ten_ sizes too small pumping ice water through her veins."_

"_Akiyama's got a point there, Jen,"_ Ruki was _not_ going to accept _any_ implication that she was capable of _love_. Ha ha, yeah, even Ruki makes fun of _herself_ when she wants. Provided it's a joke she approves of (Hirokazu using Lianjie-niisan's "passion of the snapped bra" joke on her also taught us: She's familiar with the phrase "passion of the cut sleeve," since her response was "_You're a dead man, Shiota. I'm gonna give _you_ the passion of the _SLIT WRIST_ for that!"_ "Shit! _YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?"_).

_"I always imagined magma, not ice water."_ I was the one brave enough to say that, actually. Ruki, um, 'appreciated it.'

_"Ice water in a good mood, deadly toxins in a bad mood, magma when in a _really_ bad mood! At least, that's what my last blood test told me."_ Ruki was the one who said that.

The last to find out was Juri…And that was _awkward_.

Um, she caught us in Kiichi, but that's not the scary part: _She knows the tree's name_. Well, it's because she saw the carving but, um, she just naturally assumed 'Kiichi' was the tree's _name!_ We found out since, well…

She was sitting under us, we didn't even _know_ until she cleared her throat. Loudly. …I hope she didn't want us make out for _too long_.

"_Huh? O-Oh, _crap!_ Ju-Juri? Wha-What are you…doing here?"_

_"Um, I wanted some shade…Why are you two making out in Kiichi-san?"_

_"…How do you know that name?"_

Jen was almost _catatonic_ from the fact Juri knew Kiichi's "name."

"_Um…It's carved on the side. Hey, Jen! Are you the J? Is that Y just a _really_ badly done T? That's sooo cute! You two carved your names in a tree…! …And a _long_ time ago, it looks like…Aw, but it's cute you have a tree with Takato!"_

_"Er…Tha-That wasn't…us…"_

Jen told me later, Juri's questions had made the history of Kiichi a _million_ times more awkward than_ ever_. She _still_ thinks the "Y" was one _Jen's _ex-boyfriends\crushes. And _won't_ stop bothering him about it!

She first asked when we, um, straightened ourselves up and came down from Kiichi. We sat and talked at a picnic table. She kept telling us we were _so_ cute together and things like that, she was actually _excited_ by the fact we were a couple! I-I couldn't believe it!

It was still a little embarrassing, actually. Not just the fact she caught us making out or knew the name of "our" tree but…Just how, um, she was in this sort of "Aw, so cute~!" sort of "mode" when it came to hanging out with us after that. I'm glad, too, since I was worried she might have accused me of 'using her' to 'look straight,' but she never accused me or even asked. I was _really_ relieved by her support.

…Jen? Um…

When we decided to tell her what happened in the park, the topic of "how we got together" kept getting derailed by the carving on Kiichi. She "knew" the J stood for "Jen" (_close_, Juri, it's "Janyuu") but _had_ to know who "Y" was…

"_Come on, Jen, who was he? Yamazaki-san?"_

"_…Juri, he was…He was in my_ fifth grade_ class!"_

_"I know, that's a _really_ old scar, though, had to be from around then! Oh, wait, what about Yuusuke? Is it him?"_

"_No, Juri, he was in _your_ class, not mine."_

_"Yamato?"_

_"…I don't know any Yamatos."_

_"From Digimon Adventure!"_

_"…No, I did not have a crush on Yamato Ishida, Juri."_

_Then_ came the ultimate 'scar Jen for life' joke (except Juri wasn't joking) that not even Ruki, Hirokazu and Lianjie could come up with _combined_ with a ten million year deadline and unlimited budget for special effects! "_Wait…I get it!"_

_"You do?"_

_"It wasn't your REAL boyfriend, just someone you really liked, right? You had a cruuu~uuush~!"_

I-I can't believe how Jen went _so long_ without realizing he was gay and, yet, so many of our friends assume he's been "gay forever," like me. I guess it's Jen's nature: They assumed Jen would meditate on it for a few minutes and accept it, just not tell anyone. And, um, Ruki _did_ point out: Jen _never_ showed interest in girls before to where _I'm_ the first time "the topic of romance" _ever_ came up with him.

In reality, though, Jen was more like me on "fast forward." He told me, he was _blind_ to the fact he liked _anyone_ because of how close we were. He didn't think he was in love with me, just "devoted," and assumed that anyone he _did_ fall in love he'd feel a _lot_ stronger for than just his "best friend." It wasn't until I confessed that he realized his "devotion" to his "best friend" was actually _love_. Jen told me how much of a loner he used to be, so it sort of makes sense how he'd be confused about "how much" emotion he'd have for his "first _real_ best friend" as opposed to his "first love." I'm just happy I was that best friend _and_ first love…Jen agrees with me on when it came to Juri and his "crush back then," Jen had had enough by then and said, _"Yeah, sure? Why not? The J is for 'Jen' and the Y was someone I really, really, _really_ liked back then. It's the name of an _old crush,_ sure! That's what it is!_" Jen gave me this 'Let Juri believe what she wants' look, rolling his eyes.

_"Aw, I didn't know you had a crush on Yamaki-san back then! Hehe, I had a crush on him, too, kinda! He's _really_ cute isn't—"_

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!"_

…Yeah… This actually went on for a number of minutes. Juri managed to break—No, _shatter_ Jen's brain in a way Lianjie could only _dream_ of without even_ trying_. In fact, at one point, he started chanting "BU!" ("NO!" in Mandarin) because "The Japanese-language part of his brain overheated from constant use" according to Jen after he…"recovered," let's say.

"…_So, it…wasn't Yamaki-san…?"_

_"BUUUUUUUUUUUU!"_

"_Tr-Trust me, Juri! It…It _definitely_ wasn't Yamaki-san!"_ …I had to walk Jen home after that, I took him to the bakery and…He actually had to lay on my bed for a while, just _staring_. My parents were worried about him and wanted to know what happened. I just said "Long story."

Thankfully, Juri (somehow) managed to do no lasting damage. Jen was able to talk again after an hour.

Thankfully, it seems like all of our friends approve…Or, most of them, at least. Like I said, I'm worried Kenta—

"Takato! Guest! Kenta's here!" …Kenta?_ Shuo Cao Cao, Cao Cao Jiu Dao._ Ha ha ha, Jen taught me that…Speak of Cao Cao, Cao Cao is there.

I call back, finishing a sentence of my homework. "Thanks, Mom! Send him up, please!"

I look up from my homework, Kenta steps into the room. My door was already open. "Hey, Kenta-kun." I'm…a little nervous. This really is the _first_ time I've seen Kenta since Jen and I came out.

And the way Kenta looks _scared_ has me even more worried. But he manages to, um, look a _little _casual. Not very, though. "He-Hey, Takato-kun, um…Sorry to barge in but, um, can I…have some advice?"

"Advice? About what?"

Kenta clears his throat, looking away. "Er…Real quick, um, wha-what was that thing Jen, um, called 'your thing?'" _Our_ thing? O-Oh, he means…

"_Duan xiu zhi pi,_" I reply, I _know_ this term_ very_ well now. "The passion of the cut sleeve."

"Passion of…the cut sleeve…Go-Got it. Tha-Thanks," Kenta turns to me with a quick nod.

There's a short, really awkward silence.

"Kenta-kun, um, was that it?"

"N-No, it's um…"

"What do you need advice on…?" I trail off.

Kenta looks up to me, swallowing. "A-Advice on…Ri-Right…I-I need to…ask some questions about…um…" He starts stammering.

"About…?" Kenta, I have a _lot _of homewo—What the…?

Kenta just looks at me hesitantly, he finally lets out a quiet sigh and…

…He's making the motion of cutting his sleeve with his fingers as scissors…

I just nod my head.

…Kenta...?

Thi-This…This explains a lot, actually…

~Owari~

* * *

Ori's Notes:

Eh, not sure about the second half, but given Takato's freak-out at first I figured he'd be _a lot_ calmer when it came to the Post-Jiyan era of his relationship with Jen. Especially when it came to being "out." I had some fun with a few of the jokes in Duan Xiu Zhi Pi (namely Takehiro actually _telling customers_ Takato was gay and "learning _perfect_ Chinese for his boyfriend.") and some other things.

I also wanted to close up a few loose ends from the first part of the narration, like how "Jiuxian" didn't exist and, since he was mentioned so much, how Kai would react to Takato (Takato even mentions him in Duan Xiu Zhi Pi as an example of a "close relative who might not approve.") and Jen's assumption Takato hadn't read Romance of the Three Kingdoms before (when he described seeing him as an "Oath Brother," like a _lot_ of the characters in the story, when he was younger). Also, I couldn't really resist Hirokazu's joke about the implications of Takato being "adopted" by Lianjie, but it was mostly his payback for Jen and Takato (who _are_ gay) actually joining in Ruki's gay jokes about him and Kenta, which Jen mentions in Duan Xiu Zhi Pi. In their defense, though, even _Juri_ joined in on the "Ambiguously Gay Tamers" jokes.

With Kenta…Eh, I knew no-one would buy it if the second half focused on Takato thinking he was _actually_ homophobic for more than two sentences (you guys know me: Kenta's _always_ gay), so I didn't make a huge "Oh, Gods! Kenta hates me now, I had no idea Kenta was homophobic! WHY, KENTA? WHY?" rant from Takato since we _all_ know the truth about Kenta. Sorry, Kenta, but you're not fooling _anyone!_ The _official_ gay representitive of _any_ Digimon season (and, yes, I am _well_ aware of the flaming gay Knightmon-character from Frotnier).

Originally, I wrote out the "coming out to Hirokazu and Kenta" fic, but…Eh, I didn't like how it was going so I tried a Prequel\Sequel fic from Takato's POV. But in the original, Hirokazu and Kenta _did_ figure things out, only difference is Hirokazu picks up on how Kenta's acting and outs him to Takato and Jen (Kenta _doesn't_ appreciate this, of course, but forgives his idiot best friend, who's defense is, "What? I don't care if they're gay, why would they care if you're gay, too?" "You still don't just _out_ someone like that!" "But…They're gay, too…" "THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT!" "…How?" *Cue scream*).

And, yes, I _know_ standing on a sea urchin is a _lot_ more painful than it sounds, but I figured Wataru'd just joke around about Kai being a "big baby" over it. Kai and Wataru are _always_ fun to use in fics.

Also, I had _so_ much fun with the "Juri breaks Jen" joke. I just couldn't resist it after the "she knows Kiichi's name" joke. I figured Juri would jump to the conclusion the J stood for "Jen" and the Y was either a badly done "T" or _someone else_ "J" (Jen) had a crush on a _long_ time ago (as the carving is pretty much scared over, Juri had to think _waaay_ in the past for "Jen").

Oh, right, before I forget: The title means "My Cut Sleeve" in Japanese. Yeah, we've come full circle with the _same title theme_: English, Chinese and Japanese. Next week: Russian! Why? Better question: Why _not?_

* * *

Taiki's Notes:

Ori, that _has_ to be the meanest "joke" you've ever pulled on Jen! Though, I admit, I _can_ see that happening when it coms to Juri's "logic" in the "carving mystery," let's call it. But that doesn't make you any less of a bastard to Jen!

Actually, I must admit: You were _very_ mean to Takato at first, then mean to Jen. Ori, are you feeling all right? Why is Jen suddenly the victim of your character abuse? Well, as long as _Takato_ gets a break, I suppose I shouldn't complain too much.

I agree, though, I knew something was up the _second_ I got to the "Kenta might be homophobic" part. But I might be an exception since you've convinced me, too, that Kenta is gay in canon. Really, Ori is _never_ going to see Kenta as anything but "gay" in both his fics and Tamers canon. Why? Well, _aside_ from MarineAngemon (AKA. in Ori's words "Gay Incarnate") being his partner, his suspiciously Smithers-like devotion to Hirokazu, the fact that Kenta and Hirokazu kissed on screen and then shared a bath while singing arm in arm about men on long sea voyages\manly flying spit (Otoko Shibuki, their _official duet_ on a Tamers song album, I might add) in the same episode? I don't know, to be honest. But that's just Ori's theory. And I support it, ha ha!

I'm glad their friends took everything well, Ori, I was very impressed by how Ruki took the news, too! From disbelief to "congratulations." I never knew Ruki could be _nice_ to anyone with the surname "Matsuda."

Sorry that it took me another week to post this fic, I've been a bit busy and Ori and I are trying to catch up on a backlog of private messages that collected during his hospital stay. Apologies to anyone waiting for a response, we'll try to reply to you as soon as possible.

Finally, there is a new poll regarding Ori's multi-chapter fics\series of fics, Ori wanted me to post it to see if there are any he should add more to or not, if he feels inspired. Also, some new options have been added\updated.

And, Ori? Should it follow Kenta's part of the story, might I suggest the next Cut Sleeve-series title be in MarineAngemonese? If not, what about Klingon?

-Taiki Matsuki


End file.
